Three-year-olds are a force to be reckoned with!

One moment, they’re the sweetest, most affectionate little beings, and the next, they’re throwing themselves on the floor in an Oscar-worthy meltdown because you gave them the wrong colour cup.

Their emotions are big, their energy is boundless, and their curiosity knows no limits. It’s exhausting, overwhelming, and often pushes us as parents to our own limits.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “why is everything a battle?” or “why does my child seem to go from happy to furious in 0.2 seconds?”, you’re not alone.

Three-year-olds are navigating a critical stage of brain development where their emotions are far bigger than their ability to regulate them. Understanding why they behave this way can help us respond with more patience, empathy, and tools to guide them (and ourselves) through these intense moments.

Why Do Three-Year-Olds Act This Way?

At this age, children’s brains are still very much under construction. The part of the brain responsible for impulse control, logic, and emotional regulation (the prefrontal cortex) is still in its early stages of development. Meanwhile, the amygdala, which controls emotional responses, is working overtime.

This means that when your three-year-old experiences frustration, disappointment, anger, or sadness, they have very little ability to process and regulate those emotions. Instead, they feel everything intensely and often express it through crying, screaming, hitting, or throwing things.

They also crave independence but still need structure and support.

They want control over their world, yet they lack the skills to handle choices or setbacks smoothly.

Their frustration tolerance is low, and their ability to communicate their needs effectively is still developing.

As parents, understanding that this is normal doesn’t make it easier in the moment, but it does remind us that our child isn’t intentionally being difficult, they are struggling.

How to Support Your Child Through This Stage

While it may feel like a never-ending cycle of tantrums, there are ways to navigate this stage with more ease and connection. Here are some practical strategies to help both you and your child:

1. Listen, Validate, and Empathise

Instead of immediately trying to stop the meltdown, acknowledge what your child is feeling. Lower yourself to their level and listen to what they are saying, even if it doesn’t make sense. Then, repeat it back to them. This helps them feel understood. Then validate their feelings and empathise with them. This will help to teach them the language to express their emotions in the future.

“I see you’re really upset because you wanted the blue cup. That’s really frustrating.”
“I know it’s hard when we have to leave the park. You were having so much fun.”

By naming their feelings and showing empathy, you’re giving them the emotional tools they need to manage their big feelings over time.

2. Offer Choices to Provide a Sense of Control

Three-year-olds often push back because they want to feel in control. Offering simple, limited choices can prevent power struggles and help them feel empowered.

“Do you want to put on your shoes first or your jacket?”
“Would you like to brush your teeth before or after your bath?”
“You can have apples or bananas for snack—what do you choose?”

This shifts their mindset from resistance to autonomy and reduces battles over minor tasks.

3. Stay Calm and Model Emotional Regulation

It’s incredibly hard to keep your cool when your child is screaming over something that seems minor to us. How we react teaches them how to handle emotions. If we yell, they learn that yelling is how we solve problems. Instead, try:

Taking deep breaths and speaking in a calm, steady voice.
Narrating your own emotional regulation: “I feel frustrated too, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I answer.”
Stepping away for a moment if needed: “I need a little break to calm down, I’ll be right here when you’re ready to talk.”

4. Redirect Instead of React

Sometimes, distraction or shifting focus can be a lifesaver. If your child is upset about one thing, gently guiding them toward another activity or thought can help reset their emotions.

“I know you’re upset about leaving the playground. Let's go home and draw a picture of what you loved the most today!”
“You’re mad about leaving the playground—do you want to race to the car like a cheetah?”

5. Set Clear, Kind Boundaries

While it’s important to be empathetic, children also need clear limits. Setting consistent expectations helps them feel secure and understand what’s expected of them.

“It’s okay to be angry, but I won’t let you hit.”
“I see that you’re upset, but we still need to brush our teeth. Do you want to do it or should I help?”
“We don’t throw toys. If you’re mad, you can stomp your feet instead.”

While helping your child navigate these emotions is important, it’s just as critical to take care of yourself.

Parenting a three-year-old can push you to your limits, and the more regulated you are, the better you can support your child.

How to Take Care of Yourself as a Parent

Let’s be real—dealing with a threenager is exhausting. It’s easy to lose your patience and feel depleted. That’s why taking care of yourself is just as important as supporting your child. Here’s how you can manage your own emotional regulation:

1. Lower Your Expectations

Not every day will be smooth. There will be hard moments, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace and remember that parenting a three-year-old is a season, not a forever state.

2. Build in Breaks

Even a few minutes of deep breathing, stepping outside for fresh air, or drinking a cup of tea can reset your patience. If possible, swap childcare duties with a partner or family member to get some personal space.

3. Find Your Support System

Talking to other parents who are in the same stage can be a game-changer. Whether it’s a mum’s group, a parenting forum, or a close friend, knowing you’re not alone makes a huge difference.

4. Remember, Connection Comes First

At the heart of every meltdown, every difficult behaviour, is a child who just wants to feel safe, loved, and understood. The more we focus on connection, the more trust and cooperation we build over time.

You’ve Got This

Three-year-olds are intense, unpredictable, and wonderfully curious.

While the threenager phase is challenging, it’s also an opportunity to teach emotional intelligence, build resilience, and strengthen your bond with your child. It won’t be perfect—there will be moments where you lose your cool, and that’s okay. By approaching this stage with understanding, patience, and a toolkit of strategies, you’ll navigate these stormy waters with more confidence and connection.

Next time your three-year-old melts down over the ‘wrong’ snack or asks ‘why’ for the hundredth time today, take a deep breath. Their big emotions don’t mean you’re failing—it means they’re learning. Through it all, they’re learning from you.

This season won’t last forever, and one day, you’ll look back and see just how much you both grew.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of a Three-Year-Old (and How to Handle It)