The Loneliness No One Talks About in Motherhood
Motherhood is life-changing—but it can also be lonely in ways no one talks about. It’s not always about being alone; sometimes, it’s about feeling unseen. You can be surrounded by your children, your partner, and still feel an ache for connection—to yourself, to who you used to be, to the friendships that have faded.
Loneliness isn’t always what we expect it to be.
It doesn’t necessarily look like sitting alone in an empty house, wishing for company. Sometimes, it’s found in the middle of a busy day with your baby in your arms, surrounded by noise. Sometimes, it’s the quiet isolation of giving everything to your children, only to realise you don’t quite know yourself anymore. You’re present for them, yet somehow disconnected from yourself.
For me, this loneliness wasn’t something I immediately recognised. It crept in slowly, hidden under the weight of daily routines, sleepless nights, and the sheer intensity of being needed all the time. It wasn’t until my children were preschoolers that I fully acknowledged what I had been feeling all along.
We get so caught up in our children’s world, especially as stay-at-home mums, that our own world begins to shrink. The friendships we once nurtured fade into the background, our social lives shift, and we often find ourselves longing for something—without always knowing what that something is.
Motherhood had changed me, and with that change came a shift in my social connections, my sense of self, and the way I interacted with the world. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but I now see how real and valid that loneliness was.
Recognising the Loneliness
The first step for me was simply becoming aware of it. I had spent so long feeling “off” but never truly questioning why. I was moving through my days, feeling somewhat disconnected, unable to fully enjoy the present moment.
When I started checking in with myself, really asking How am I actually feeling? and meeting myself where I was without judgment, I saw that loneliness had crept in quietly.
From there, I learned to accept it.
It was okay if I wasn’t 100% enjoying every moment of motherhood.
It was okay if it didn’t look or feel the way I expected it to.
My feelings were valid, and I didn’t need to push them aside just because I “should” be happy. Acceptance was the hardest part, but once I acknowledged where I was, I could begin shifting my mindset toward what was within my control.
At first, I wasn’t sure where to begin. As I started exploring what was in my control, I found a path to self-discovery and growth. My favourite question became, “What is in my control in this situation?” What could I do to reconnect—not just with others, but with myself?
It wasn't about grand gestures or overnight fixes, but rather about intentional changes in how I cared for myself.
Rebuilding Connection and Self: The Four Areas I Focused On
Depending on your stage of motherhood, where you live, and what resources you have available, taking action will look different for everyone. For me, I found that focusing on four key areas helped immensely: Mind, Nourishment, Movement, and Sleep.
MIND
By 'mind,' I mean my mental state—how I was feeling emotionally, whether I was fostering social connections, if I was creating my own village of support, and whether I was honouring my personal needs for reflection and growth.
I started by making small but intentional changes. I committed to a weekly coffee date with a mum friend—not just for a quick chat, but as a conscious effort to nurture that connection. I also made a point of seeking connection at our library baby music session and at our local playgroup for mums and bubs. This connection gave me a social outlet and also offered new experiences to share with my child as these connections grew.
I realised that my personal growth had taken a backseat, so I began engaging in things that fueled my curiosity—reading books, listening to inspiring podcasts, journaling and meditation. A few minutes spent each morning setting my intention helped me feel more present and engaged in my day.
If you’re struggling for some ideas of how to take action here, have a look at these suggestions below. Even selecting just one thing to focus on might help to guide you in the right direction for you and your family.
Start a daily journal for your thoughts
Try writing a daily gratitude journal focusing on three things to be grateful for. Start really small with these. It may be the sunshine, 20 minutes of rest or drinking your coffee while it’s still hot
Set aside time each morning for intention-setting
Join a local mums’ group, library session, or playgroup
Plan a weekly coffee date or phone call with a friend. Be intentional with this one and focus on building connection
Find a hobby that interests you—reading, learning, or creative projects
Build mini meditation moments into your day - pause, breathe deeply and notice the sounds around you
NOURISHMENT
Food plays a bigger role in our well-being than we often realise. I started paying attention to what I was eating—not in a restrictive way, but in a way that fueled me with energy and vitality.
When I was running on empty, I’d grab whatever was quick and convenient, but I often felt worse afterward. So, I shifted my mindset from “what’s easiest?” to “what will make me feel good?” Simple changes—like preparing easy, nutrient-dense meals, drinking enough water, and having snacks that supported my energy—made a noticeable difference.
Some small but impactful shifts include:
Make small, nourishing food swaps that boost your energy
Ensure you’re drinking enough water throughout the day
Prepare easy, nutritious meals that support your well-being
Keep healthy snacks on hand so you don’t rely on quick fixes (think protein-rich options like nuts, Greek yogurt, or boiled eggs).
Be mindful of how different foods make you feel—choose ones that give you steady energy
MOVEMENT
Exercise had always felt like something I had to do rather than something I wanted to do. But I knew movement was essential—not just for my body, but for my mental clarity and emotional well-being.
I started small—gentle walks with my baby in the pram, stretching in the living room when I had a quiet moment. After my third baby I found it difficult to get out of the house though so I joined an online womens gym class. I was unsure at first but ended up loving it. It had a great sense of community, lots of options depending where I was at with my postpartum journey and I could do it with my baby lying next to me.
Recently I also joined a local women’s strength class with other mums. To my surprise, I am loving it! I’ve never been a ‘gym’ person but this class seems to fill both my ‘movement’ and my ‘mind’ cup simultaneously. It’s giving me the physical movement I need, but just as importantly, it has become a space where I feel connected to others who understand my stage of life.
A friend of mine also started a mums’ walking group that mums in the community are welcome to join. It wasn’t about the intensity of the walk, but about getting out, talking, and sharing in the highs and lows of motherhood together. This one is a great one to share the load of parenting and a great place to build your village.
Movement doesn’t have to be about “getting back in shape.” It can be about finding ways to feel good in your body again. Some ideas that you could try:
Find movement that you enjoy—walking, yoga, pilates, strength training
Join a local mums’ fitness group or start one with friends
Make movement part of your daily routine, even in small ways. A simple stretching routine in the morning can be a great start to the day and also get your little ones moving too
A mums and bubs exercise class
Starting a weekly local mums’ walking group
Postpartum-friendly online workouts—there are so many out there and lots are free!
SLEEP
Sleep is a tough one, especially in the early months and years of motherhood. Sleep deprivation can amplify feelings of loneliness and exhaustion. When you're running on empty, even small challenges feel overwhelming. The fog of exhaustion can amplify loneliness, making everything feel heavier. That's why prioritising rest—even in little ways—can make such a difference. While I couldn’t always control how much sleep I got, I could control my habits around rest. I set small goals—putting my phone away earlier in the evening, creating a bedtime routine, and asking for help when I needed a break.
Some nights were still hard, but prioritising rest in whatever form I could helped me feel more balanced and less overwhelmed.
Create a wind-down routine, even if it’s just 10 minutes before bed.
Reduce screen time at night to help your mind settle.
Ask for support where possible to get an extra nap or two when you really need it.
Let go of the pressure to ‘do it all’—rest is productive too
Be gentle with yourself
You’re Not Alone
If you’re feeling this kind of loneliness, please know you’re not alone. So many of us have been there, even if we don’t talk about it enough. There’s no single fix, and some days will feel harder than others. The more we tune into ourselves, the more we can take small, intentional steps to reconnect—not just with others, but with ourselves.
You deserve to feel connected, supported, and fulfilled.
Motherhood is full of change, and part of that change is learning how to nurture you again, too.
You matter. Your feelings matter. Your needs deserve attention, just as much as your child’s.
You don’t have to do everything at once—just start with one change and build from there.
Motherhood is a journey, and while it can feel isolating at times, you’re never truly alone. There’s a whole community of mothers who understand, who’ve been there, and who are walking alongside you.
If this resonates with you, reach out! Small steps can make a big difference. What’s one thing you can do today to reconnect with yourself? I’d love to hear your thoughts. 💛
With love,
Bel x
