What I Wish I Knew as a FTM - Part 3: Recovery, Help, and Trusting Yourself
"This post is Part 3 of a 3-part series: ‘What I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mum.’ If you missed Part 1 or Part 2 of this series, I encourage you to start there. Each post builds on the last, and together they paint a picture of the joys and challenges of early motherhood. You can find them here:
In this final part, I’ll share the lessons I learned about giving myself permission to recover, accepting help (and seeking it when needed), and trusting myself as a mum—even when it felt impossible.
Thank you for following along in this series. My hope is that by sharing my story, I can remind you that you’re not alone, and that the messy, imperfect parts of motherhood are just as valid as the joyful ones."
Welcome to the final part of this series!
The early days of motherhood can feel overwhelming, but they’re also an incredible time of growth. It’s not just your baby who’s learning and adapting—you’re becoming a parent, navigating challenges that push you to your limits while also showing you just how strong you are.
Whether you’re healing after birth, battling the pressure to do it all, or struggling with self-doubt, my hope is that these reflections will remind you to give yourself grace and trust in the journey. You’re doing better than you think, and you don’t have to do it all alone.
Let’s dive in.
Healing Is a Journey, Not a Race
Becoming a mother is transformative, but it’s also physically and emotionally exhausting. You’ve just gone through a massive experience—labour, birth, and everything that comes with it. You’re still healing, and that’s before you factor in the demands of a newborn.
Give yourself permission to take things more slowly than you would have pre baby. It’s normal to feel like you’re not “bouncing back” or feeling like yourself right away. Those early weeks are about survival, healing, and finding your footing in this new role.
You’re doing enough—just as you are.
And when the sleepless nights and constant feedings feel endless, remind yourself: this is just a season. One day, you’ll look back and see how much strength it took to get through it—and how much you grew along the way.
This too shall pass.
You won’t feel this way forever, even if it’s hard to see that right now.
Putting it into Practice
If you’re in this season of recovery, here are a few things that helped me—and might help you too:
Reframe Expectations:
Remember that this time isn’t about achieving milestones or keeping up with others. It’s about giving yourself grace to heal, one day at a time.
Tell yourself, “My job right now is to rest, recover, and bond with my baby. Everything else can wait.”
Rest Whenever You Can:
Take small moments to sit, lie down, or close your eyes while your baby naps. Even short rests help your body recharge.
Accept help from others to free up time for rest—whether it’s someone holding the baby, doing the dishes, or dropping off a meal.
Be Kind to Your Body:
Your body just performed a miracle, and it deserves care and compassion. Eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated, and avoid the temptation to push yourself too quickly.
If movement feels good, try gentle stretches or a short walk—but only when you feel ready.
Focus on One Day at a Time:
It’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking about the weeks or months ahead. Instead, focus on what you need today. Ask yourself, “What’s the one thing that would feel most supportive right now?”
Ask for Help:
Whether it’s from a partner, family, or friends, lean on those around you. Recovery isn’t something you need to do alone.
Why It’s Okay to Ask for (and Accept) Help
It’s so easy to feel like you’re falling short—like you should be keeping the house tidy, making healthy meals, and entertaining your baby all at once. But you don’t have to do it all. You don’t even have to do most of it.
In a year’s time, you won’t remember whether the house was spotless, but you will remember the snuggles, the first smiles, and the way you showed up for your baby even when it was hard. Those messy days when nothing went to plan? They’re part of the story, but they don’t last forever.
One thing I’ll be forever grateful for was the grocery delivery subscription my sister bought for me during this time as a gift. She prepaid for 6 months of delivery fees so I could order my groceries online. Another idea would be a meal delivery service for a time, if possible.
What feels impossible now will one day be a distant memory, and the love and connection you’re building will shine brighter than any checklist ever could.
Sometimes though, help from friends and family isn’t enough. When my daughter was about 5 months old, I sought support from a psychologist to work through my feelings and process her start in the world. It was one of the best things I could have done for myself and my family and it was something I had wished I’d done sooner. Reaching out for professional help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re taking steps to care for yourself so you can show up for your baby.
It’s a sign of courage, not weakness.
Putting it into Practice
If you’re feeling like you have to do it all or are unsure how to ask for help, here are some practical ways to let go of the pressure and focus on what truly matters:
Prioritise What’s Essential:
Focus on the things that matter most—keeping yourself and your baby fed, rested (as much as possible), and cared for. Everything else can wait.
Make peace with a messier house or simple meals. Your energy is better spent on bonding with your baby and taking care of yourself.
Accept Help When It’s Offered:
If someone offers to help, say yes. Let them bring you a meal, run an errand, or hold the baby while you rest.
Be specific about what you need. For example, “Could you fold the laundry?” or “Would you mind picking up some groceries?”
Make Use of Delivery Services:
If it’s within your budget, consider grocery or meal delivery services to take one thing off your plate. Even a short-term subscription can be a lifesaver.
Look into local businesses that deliver pre-cooked meals or essentials for postpartum families.
Delegate What You Can:
If you have a partner or older children, ask for their help with specific tasks. Even small things—like tidying up toys or unloading the dishwasher—can make a big difference.
Don’t be afraid to let go of the idea that you need to manage everything yourself.
Create a "Good Enough" List:
Write down the absolute essentials you need to get through the day—maybe it’s feeding the baby, eating something nourishing yourself, and getting a few minutes to rest. Let go of anything that’s not on that list.
Give Yourself Permission to Say No:
If visitors, social obligations, or outside expectations feel overwhelming, it’s okay to decline. Your priority right now is you and your baby.
Remember the Bigger Picture:
When you’re tempted to push yourself to “do it all,” remind yourself that your baby won’t remember whether the floor was spotless or the laundry was folded. What they’ll remember (and feel) is the love and care you provide.
Celebrate Small Wins:
Did you get through the day? Feed yourself and your baby? Give a cuddle? Those are huge accomplishments—acknowledge and celebrate them.
Reach Out to a Professional if Needed:
If the pressure or feelings of overwhelm are too much to manage alone, consider reaching out to a midwife, therapist, or psychologist for support.
Professional guidance can help you process your emotions, find practical strategies, and feel less alone in your journey. Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a way to care for yourself so you can care for your baby.
You’re Stronger Than You Realise
Motherhood is a wild mix of emotions—love, frustration, joy, guilt, loneliness, and everything in between. Whatever you’re feeling, just know that you’re entitled to feel that way. You’re allowed to grieve your old life while embracing your new one. You’re allowed to cry because it’s hard and laugh because it’s beautiful—all in the same day.
Find someone who will listen, or even write the hard stuff down in a journal. Your experience is real, and sometimes just getting it out helps lighten the load, even without fixing anything.
I spent so much time worrying that I wasn’t good enough—that I wasn’t patient enough, loving enough, or doing enough. But looking back now, I can see that I was doing everything that mattered. I was showing up, trying my best, and loving my baby even when it didn’t feel perfect. And that was enough.
It’s also important to remember that what works for one mum or baby might not work for another. Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s about trial and error, learning as you go, and finding what feels right for you and your family. There’s no “perfect” way to parent—there’s only the way that works for you.
Putting it into Practice
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or doubting yourself, here are some practical ways to honour your emotions and remind yourself that you’re doing better than you think:
Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings:
Give yourself permission to feel however you feel—whether it’s joy, frustration, or exhaustion. Remember, emotions are valid and don’t need to be “fixed.”
Use affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “I am allowed to have hard days.”
Write it Down:
Journaling can help you process difficult emotions. Write freely about what’s on your mind, or try prompts like:
“What was the hardest part of today?”
“What am I grateful for right now?”
“What’s one thing I’d say to a friend feeling this way?”
Talk to Someone You Trust:
Share your feelings with a partner, friend, or family member who will listen without judgment. Sometimes, just being heard can make a big difference.
If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable talking to, consider reaching out to a support group or a professional.
Celebrate Small Wins:
At the end of each day, reflect on one thing you did well—whether it was calming your baby, taking a deep breath in a tough moment, or simply getting through the day.
Remind yourself: small victories add up, and your effort matters.
Create a “What Works for Us” List:
Note down the strategies, routines, or moments that work well for you and your baby. It’s a helpful reminder that you’re figuring things out, even if it feels slow.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. If you’re having a hard day, remind yourself, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
When you catch yourself in self-doubt, counter it with a compassionate thought: “I’m learning and growing. I don’t have to be perfect.”
Seek Inspiration Without Comparison:
Find parenting advice or stories that inspire you, but let go of the pressure to replicate anyone else’s journey. Your path is unique to you and your baby.
Trust Your Instincts:
Remember that you know your baby better than anyone else. Trust your gut when it comes to decisions and remind yourself that there’s no “perfect” way to parent—only the way that works for you.
Give Yourself Grace:
Some days will feel harder than others, and that’s okay. Let go of the idea that you need to “get it right” all the time. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
From My Heart to Yours
It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling because a lot of people simply don’t talk about it, but the truth is, so many of us have been where you are. We’ve felt overwhelmed, worried we’re not good enough, and wondered if we’ll ever get through it.
The challenges you’re facing right now are real, and they’re hard. But they won’t last forever. Babies grow, routines change, and what feels impossible today will one day be a distant memory. I can’t tell you the exact moment when things shifted for me—it was gradual. One day, I realised my baby was sleeping a little longer, crying a little less, and suddenly, I had space to breathe again.
That said, some challenges might linger longer than you’d hoped. Whether it’s struggles with sleep, feeding, or managing your own feelings, it’s okay if things don’t fall into place right away. Not every tough moment has an easy solution, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. What matters most is that you’re showing up for your baby, even when it’s hard.
If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, I hope you know that you’re not alone. So many of us have felt what you’re feeling. You’re not failing—you’re adjusting. You’re learning. And you’re doing the most incredible job, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to take it one moment at a time, and that’s enough. You are enough.
Motherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, loving fiercely, and growing alongside your baby. Thank you for letting me share this journey with you. You’ve got this. 💛
If this series of articles resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your journey, ask questions, or connect with other mums in our community—because you’re never alone in this.
With love,
Bel x
Missed the first posts? Read them here:
