What I Wish I Knew as a FTM - Part 2: Sleep Deprivation and Feeding Challenges
"This post is Part 2 of a 3-part series: ‘What I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mum.’ If you missed Part 1, where I shared my struggles with bonding and adjusting to motherhood, you can read it here.
See Part 3: Recovery, Help and Trusting Yourself”
Welcome to Part 2 of my series, What I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mum. In this post, I’ll dive into two of the biggest hurdles I faced in those early days: the relentless exhaustion of sleep deprivation and the challenges of feeding, whether breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or a mix of both.
These were the moments that left me feeling stretched to my limits, doubting my abilities, and wondering if I’d ever find my footing. But they were also the moments that taught me resilience, patience, and the value of seeking support.
If you’re in the thick of sleepless nights and feeding struggles, this one’s for you.
Sleep Deprivation Is Brutal, but Rest Can Help
Sleep deprivation was a beast I was simply not prepared for. It is brutal—there’s no two ways about it. Before my baby was born, I remember people telling me to rest while I could and make the most of a full night’s sleep (not that you get that being heavily pregnant!). Everyone said it with an almost joking tone. I didn’t feel like there was any practical advice about how to get through this part of having a baby, only that it would be rough.
I wasn’t expecting it to be as rough as it was. The first week or so felt like a whirlwind of emotions and sleepless nights, constantly wondering if I was doing it right. By then, the sleep deprivation was real. I was feeling awful. To make matters worse I began suffering from anxiety around my lack of sleep. I was going down a dark spiral.
I was beginning to dread the night. It was the time I felt most alone, isolated, and scared. “How am I going to do this if I don’t sleep?” It felt like the morning would never come and that I was solely responsible for this helpless, innocent little baby.
I began watching the clock at night, calculating the hours of sleep I could piece together. I agonized over how awful I’d feel the next day if I didn’t get straight back to sleep after feeding my baby. People told me to sleep during the day when my baby did, but she was a cat napper. Every time I tried, she’d wake again. Eventually, I gave up trying.
I wish I’d known then the value of rest.
That lying down, closing your eyes, or even just sitting still for a few minutes can help your body recharge. No, it wasn’t sleep, but it would help me to get through and also ease my anxiety. Rest is something we can (to an extent) control. Sleep, on the other hand, isn’t.
Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, often emphasises how small, restorative moments can make a big difference:
“When you’re sleep-deprived, aim for little moments of rest rather than perfection. Even 15 minutes of calm can reset your body and mind.”
Making a point of lying down closing my eyes while my baby had her short sleep, with no expectation beyond rest, really made a difference for me.
Another thing that helped was talking to my sister about my struggles. She suggested looking at food or other sources for energy. Lifesaver!
Changing my mindset from counting the few hours of sleep I managed to get the night before to asking myself, “Where else can I get my energy from?”, really helped.
I stopped focusing on the lack and started exploring ways to fuel myself. I used to tell myself that one egg would equal an hour of sleep—it became a silly but very powerful reminder that energy could come from different places during this time.
In those early days, the most important lesson I learned was to shift my focus from what I couldn’t control—like how much sleep I was getting—to what I could.
Rest, nutrition, and small moments of stillness became lifelines that helped me navigate this exhausting season.
It wasn’t about finding a perfect solution; it was about learning to support myself in the ways that I could. These small, intentional steps made all the difference, helping me feel a little stronger, a little steadier, and a little more capable of meeting the challenges of each new day.
Putting it into Practice
This part is all about helping you get through this phase of early motherhood feeling as best you can with the little sleep that you’re able to get. Try some of the tips below to see if they help you as much as they helped me in those early days.
Reframe Rest: Accept that rest, even without sleep, can recharge you. Lie down or close your eyes for a few minutes without expecting sleep.
Shift Your Mindset: Stop focusing on the hours of sleep you’re missing and ask, “Where else can I get energy from?”
Explore Energy Sources: Prioritize nutrient-dense foods (e.g., eggs, nuts, fruits) and hydration to fuel your body.
Set Realistic Goals: Focus on small, manageable tasks rather than striving for perfection.
Reach Out: Share your struggles with someone you trust to gain perspective and practical advice.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, this is a temporary season, and you’re doing the best you can.
Breastfeeding Can Be Tough, and That’s Okay
No one told me how hard breastfeeding could be. It wasn’t the dreamy, bonding experience I’d read about—at least not at first. It hurt. Right from the start, I felt unprepared for the reality of it. Those first few nights, when my daughter was awake more than asleep, were incredibly tough. Trying to get the latch right while recovering from an episiotomy made everything feel overwhelming.
I struggled with latching, balancing my supply, and battling the feeling that I was failing at something “natural.”
To make things harder, my daughter had a tongue tie, which made latching even more difficult.
After the tongue tie was cut, there was some improvement, but the damage had been done. Each feed was still painful, and I found myself dreading the next one. I relied on hydrogel breast discs and lanolin to manage the pain, but it didn’t feel like enough.
Eventually, I reached out to a lactation consultant, and it was one of the best decisions I made. The kindness, compassion, and advice I received were invaluable.
She taught me to focus on small but crucial details of latching, showed me new positions to make breastfeeding more comfortable, and reminded me that breastfeeding is a skill both my baby and I were learning together. With her guidance, I finally started to feel a glimmer of hope.
Those early weeks were still tough. I remember breathing through the first painful seconds of each feed while silently repeating to myself, “This will get easier. I am okay.” And it did get easier. I began to find my rhythm. By focusing on one feed at a time and leaning into the support I’d found, breastfeeding became more manageable.
As the months passed, it even became something I cherished. My daughter’s personality started to shine through, and breastfeeding turned into an interactive bonding time for the two of us. Her giggles, the way she’d reach up to touch my face, and the way she’d stare into my eyes were moments of pure connection. I hadn’t realised how much I’d come to love this time together until I looked back.
That doesn’t mean it was easy, though.
There were moments when I felt stuck, frustrated, or even resentful of how tethered I felt because of breastfeeding. But I’ve learned that’s normal. And if breastfeeding isn’t the right path for you, that’s okay too. Bottle feeding can be just as loving and nurturing. You’re the expert on what works best for you and your baby, and your choice doesn’t diminish how much you care.
Putting it into Practice
Seek Support Early: Don’t wait to reach out to a lactation consultant if you’re struggling. Their guidance can make a world of difference.
Use Tools for Relief: Soothe discomfort with hydrogel breast discs, lanolin, or warm compresses.
Focus on Teamwork: Remember, breastfeeding is a skill both you and your baby are learning together. Be patient with yourselves.
Find a Mantra: Repeat affirmations like “This will get easier” to help you through tough moments.
Experiment with Positions: Explore various breastfeeding positions to find what works best for you and your baby’s needs.
Celebrate the Bond: Notice the little moments of connection that breastfeeding—or feeding in general—can bring.
Trust Your Path: Whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding, know that you’re doing what’s best for you and your baby.
Finding Strength in the Struggles
Sleep deprivation and feeding challenges can feel like insurmountable mountains in those early days of motherhood. They test your patience, your endurance, and your ability to believe in yourself. But here’s what I want you to take away: you’re stronger than you think. Every moment you show up, even when you’re tired or unsure, you’re making a difference for your baby.
These struggles won’t last forever. The exhaustion will ease, and the feeding journey—no matter how it looks—will find its rhythm. Most importantly, the love and bond you’re building with your baby are growing stronger every day, even through the tough moments.
In Part 3, I’ll talk about the importance of recovery—both physical and emotional—and how seeking support, trusting your instincts, and embracing imperfection can bring clarity and confidence to your parenting journey.
You’ve got this, and you’re not alone. 💛
Bel x
Next: Part 3: Recovery, Help, and Trusting Yourself
Missed the first post? Read it here: Part 1: Bonding Takes Time
